This is the first in a long line of works that I will be producing that visual express my own energy, my life force, my aura. I am human garbage. I am the lord’s excrement. The champion of filth and degradation of substance.
I am starting a religious collective. It is built on the principle that one can transcend their temporal realm and become one with the world around them in a difference sense– in a different state. The point is to go beyond your temporal reality. Embrace time in order to escape it. Stare deep into the abysmal reality that is existence and be released from the shackles of the clock.
This is all brought on through the interaction one has with the mediator between our current state and the great beyond– Sir Nic Cage, our lord’s strong hand.
A friend of mine asked me to do an illustration for him– an illustration of a pirate dog, with a cigarette in his mouth holding up a beer. Very specific, very badass.
Have you heard the new FIDLAR stuff? It’s wicked good. Here is an unrelated video related to dogs. (It was a toss up between this and the Dog Days of Summer video by Florence and the Machine. Not too different.)
Oh yeah… also here’s a super sad video by the aforementioned band, y’all.
Let the sadness consume you. Embrace the darkness, my old friend.
Here’s the review of the first beer for y’all.
Wells Banana Bread Beer:
Holy tipsy banana boys, Batman. This is a wonky tonk beer, babies. I don’t really know why I even tried this one— I probably decided to try it because my sister told me to. I don’t like banana bread much, this beer is better. If I could drink the things that I don’t like it would be a lot easier. The chewing, it’s the chewing that really screws with my mouth children. They stop their games of four square and just sit down and cry.
This beer is better ‘cuz you don’t have to chew it. Not even a little bit.
Final Verdict: You won’t have to chew this beer.
But wait, that’s not all! There’s more to come, folks.
Did you guys see the season finale of Game of Thrones last week? I knew what was coming and I was still so pissed at the end of it. The thing that really got me was what a baby back bitch Olly is. See that present-progressive tense I just used? I know things. Jon Snow knows nothing though, unfortunately. Olly sucks, the Night’s Watch sucks, Stannis (no longer) The Mannis sucks *and is dead*.
We all know what we want to see in the next season of Game of Game of Thrones. We want to see Jon Snow coming back as a ravenous ice-man, lusting for the violent death of a small child. Because… fuck you, Olly!
I’ve been doing a kinda thing where I post one illustration a day– but wait, what… OH SHIT! I’m flippin’ the script, my babies.
Oh snap, son! It’s Beefy Bean the Burrito Boy. Hey Beefy B, what’re you looking forward to most this summer? “That’s the easiest thing anyone has ever asked me, bruh. What am I looking forward to most this summer? Beef, beans, brews, bros, babes, boobs, biceps, and the beach. That’s what’s up, bromancer.”
Behold the glory that is the Corgi necromancer’s seal. With the Sigil of Lucifer and Runic text, this seal is sure to summon Satan himself. Baphomet at least…And last but not least, a goddamn Victorian era French Bulldog. So rad. Such a rad dad.
Three in one post?! Excuse me while I clean the blood and feces off of myself.
Now, enjoy the best scene from any movie ever!
Behold the glory that is creation, the celestial being from whence all life sprang forth. His mouth, it be the chasm from which the filth and bile of the world hast flowed– his hands are the vehicles from which all things great hath sprang. Beef and bean burritos, taco salad, and pizza with hot dogs in the crust… it is all his creation. Pray to him, yee lowly mortals. For he is your God, he is life.
It’s been a while since I tried to really draw anything anime-y, and I don’t know if I really pulled it off in this attempt. The most important thing is that the world know what power I can posses, if only I am to dance with my buddy John. We become the most abominable power in all the world. We can make those little ghosts that Gotenks makes in Dragonball Z, but ours are like totally little brown fart-bubble people and when they pop it knocks out our foes.
We’re so rad.
The story opens up with a sloth being cut in half, blood and guts everywhere. Visions of his family and friends flash before his eyes, and transparently over the image of a setting sun, as slowly the frame fades to a dark cloudy grey.
Shadowy figures through a thick mist look down at the viewer, they seem to be assembling something.
The next scene opens up as if it were eyes opening. Camera pans. The sloth from the opening scene has been attached to a miniature tank.
Camera zooms out, the backs of the three figures are in the foreground holding clipboards, “the procedure seems to have gone superbly… vitals seem to be…”
Close cut to the sloth’s eyes darting around, he is thinking “…what did they do to me? How am I still…”
“They replaced yer legs with me.”
“What? Who was that?”
“Look down, ya dingus. It’s me, Tanksy.”
“How are you in my thoughts?”
“We share a soul, we share a heart, we share a mind. You know what you must do, silly.” The tank smiles, a big goofy grin, and winks upwardly at the sloth.
The camera zooms back out to the three scientists; they are all glancing back and forth from their clipboards to the sloth-tank. “The experiment will…”
Explosion, fire, blood and bones rain down from the sky. Screams of women and children can be heard in the background.
The sloth-tank rides through the carnage, the crunch of bone under him as he approaches the viewer. Before leaving the frame he puts a cigar in his mouth and lights it, shielding it from the gusting wind caused by the fire. As the camera slowly fades to black he looks back at the flaming pile of death, wiping blood from his brow. “I am no, experiment. I am…”
Hey Pixar, I know you want to pick this up. Kids will love the gratuitous violence.