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For the second beer of the Brew-Boy Beer Tour Review Extravaganza I guzzled down a Brew Moon White IPA. Mmmm. Sippy Sippy chug chug chug.

Blue Moon White IPA:

I really like IPAs, they’re good. They make good jokes, sometimes they’re a little racy… but it’s ok because it’s all in good taste. Good taste. Get it? It’s got a bit of a flowery twang to its IPA crispness. It sure is white. I mean, it’s like a flamboyant southerner looking longingly at a sunset. That giant ball of fire is sinking below the silky seas of beer. I like it. It likes me. It’s looking at me kinda funny. It won’t stop hitting on me. I feel strange.

Final Verdict: Like a gay Forrest Gump this beer isn’t too sharp, is a little fruity, and a lot delightful.

prancinc gump

This beer was faaaaaabulous.

me introducing the thing

 

Here’s the review of the first beer for y’all.

Wells Banana Bread Beer:

Holy tipsy banana boys, Batman. This is a wonky tonk beer, babies. I don’t really know why I even tried this one— I probably decided to try it because my sister told me to. I don’t like banana bread much, this beer is better. If I could drink the things that I don’t like it would be a lot easier. The chewing, it’s the chewing that really screws with my mouth children. They stop their games of four square and just sit down and cry.

This beer is better ‘cuz you don’t have to chew it. Not even a little bit.

Final Verdict: You won’t have to chew this beer.

banana on bread beer bro

But wait, that’s not all! There’s more to come, folks.

Cheers!!

Jon Snow Next Season.

Did you guys see the season finale of Game of Thrones last week? I knew what was coming and I was still so pissed at the end of it. The thing that really got me was what a baby back bitch Olly is. See that present-progressive tense I just used? I know things. Jon Snow knows nothing though, unfortunately. Olly sucks, the Night’s Watch sucks, Stannis (no longer) The Mannis sucks *and is dead*.

# SPOILERS!

We all know what we want to see in the next season of Game of Game of Thrones. We want to see Jon Snow coming back as a ravenous ice-man, lusting for the violent death of a small child. Because… fuck you, Olly!

jon snow killing olly

I’ve been doing a kinda thing where I post one illustration a day– but wait, what… OH SHIT! I’m flippin’ the script, my babies.

burrito is love

Oh snap, son! It’s Beefy Bean the Burrito Boy. Hey Beefy B, what’re you looking forward to most this summer? “That’s the easiest thing anyone has ever asked me, bruh. What am I looking forward to most this summer? Beef, beans, brews, bros, babes, boobs, biceps, and the beach. That’s what’s up, bromancer.” satanic corgi

 

Behold the glory that is the Corgi necromancer’s seal. With the Sigil of Lucifer and Runic text, this seal is sure to summon Satan himself. Baphomet at least…victorian french bulldogAnd last but not least, a goddamn Victorian era French Bulldog. So rad. Such a rad dad.

Three in one post?! Excuse me while I clean the blood and feces off of myself.

Now, enjoy the best scene from any movie ever!

 

<3

 

 

 

Creation.

pizza gawd

 

Behold the glory that is creation, the celestial being from whence all life sprang forth. His mouth, it be the chasm from which the filth and bile of the world hast flowed– his hands are the vehicles from which all things great hath sprang. Beef and bean burritos, taco salad, and pizza with hot dogs in the crust… it is all his creation. Pray to him, yee lowly mortals. For he is your God, he is life.

 

Amen.

fusion

It’s been a while since I tried to really draw anything anime-y, and I don’t know if I really pulled it off in this attempt. The most important thing is that the world know what power I can posses, if only I am to dance with my buddy John. We become the most abominable power in all the world. We can make those little ghosts that Gotenks makes in Dragonball Z, but ours are like totally little brown fart-bubble people and when they pop it knocks out our foes.

We’re so rad.

 

john and I fusion as a three panel comic

Battle Sloth.

battle sloth square

 

The story opens up with a sloth being cut in half, blood and guts everywhere. Visions of his family and friends flash before his eyes, and transparently over the image of a setting sun, as slowly the frame fades to a dark cloudy grey.

Shadowy figures through a thick mist look down at the viewer, they seem to be assembling something.

The next scene opens up as if it were eyes opening. Camera pans. The sloth from the opening scene has been attached to a miniature tank.

Camera zooms out, the backs of the three figures are in the foreground holding clipboards, “the procedure seems to have gone superbly… vitals seem to be…”

Close cut to the sloth’s eyes darting around, he is thinking “…what did they do to me? How am I still…”

“They replaced yer legs with me.”

“What? Who was that?”

“Look down, ya dingus. It’s me, Tanksy.”

“How are you in my thoughts?”

“We share a soul, we share a heart, we share a mind. You know what you must do, silly.” The tank smiles, a big goofy grin, and winks upwardly at the sloth.

The camera zooms back out to the three scientists; they are all glancing back and forth from their clipboards to the sloth-tank. “The experiment will…”

Explosion, fire, blood and bones rain down from the sky. Screams of women and children can be heard in the background.

The sloth-tank rides through the carnage, the crunch of bone under him as he approaches the viewer. Before leaving the frame he puts a cigar in his mouth and lights it, shielding it from the gusting wind caused by the fire.  As the camera slowly fades to black he looks back at the flaming pile of death, wiping blood from his brow. “I am no, experiment. I am…”

BATTLE SLOTH!

 

Hey Pixar, I know you want to pick this up. Kids will love the gratuitous violence.

 

Church.

kanyeezuzs

 

Times can be hard, trials and tribulations may exceed the threshold of what you may perceive as bearable– you might feel like giving up. Call it quits. Hit the off switch.’ Off yo’self. Don’t do it, homies.

Yeezus is looking over you always. Go with Kanye.

 

Amen. 

 

You are loved.

fat mama kiss

 

<3 <3 <3

khaleesi and spyro

 

Can you imagine how fun’a’game this would be?! Khaleesi sacks King’s Landing and sets fire to all those slimy bastards.

… breaking wheels and takin’ names.

Demon Cat.

cat demon warrior

 

Fun Fact: I hate cats.

I hate cats so much. You feed them, try to be affectionate towards them and… POW! They snap at you like the little demon-shits that they are. They would destroy all life on Earth if they had the ability to do so. I mean think about it, what other pet do you have to get messed up on drugs for them to be any fun?

Not dogs. Dogs are love. Dogs are life.

I <3 Dawgs.